Which Valentine's Day starter pack is your favourite Cambridge club?
It's that time of year again - the Valentine's day crushbridges are flooding in, with views ranging from 'make your valentines day count' to 'Valentine's day is a myth' and Nandos is getting booked up. Whichever category you fall into, the mighty Cambridge clubs also fall firmly into one of these starter packs that aptly depicts every range of the Valentine's day spectrum.
Just like the Creators of Vinly have caused the death of both Sunday life and FNK, these girls have caused the death of all things good on the dance floor - they just stand in a circle swinging their handbags, going to the toilet together and crying when they do a tequila shot, in that order, 4 times, before grabbing a kebab. The whole thing will be on their instagram story. Fucking lit.
Lola's: 'Boy done good'
If he has 3 bars, 2 dance areas and 1 light up floor (what a time to be alive), he's not your boyfriend, its Lola Lo's. Sometimes foam comes out of nowhere, just like that surprise mini-break he booked for your birthday, and the tropical theme reminds you of those flowers he got you yesterday. Most of us can only dream of this man - I guess Lola's will have to do for now.
Rev's : 'Long-distance Relationship'
You only ever go here about twice a term for the 'edgy' events like grandma groove and haze, and coming from the hill colleges sure is a 'long-distance' journey. It's nice to see him/her (Rev's) when you get there, but there must be good alternatives closer to home...
Cindies: 'Secure Couple'
Just like this couple's love for eachother, the Wednesday night cindies attendance is strong and has been for a long time. Queues for those unlucky enough to be there without a ticket are longer than the Dunkirk beach evacuation lines. But for those that have one of these elusive tickets, just like this kind of relationship, are well-and-truly in love with Ballare.
Wetherspoons: The 'single sadboi male'
It's cheap n nasty: Wetherspoons. Biggest in Europe? Biggest in the World? Biggest collection of single men on Valentines day? Oh yes. Upon waking this morning, they redeemed all the online porn site special offers, masturbated themselves into a coma then started sinking darkfruits and dominos. With their genitalia wishing more durex play had been applied, they don their baggiest underwear and march into Wetherspoons to try and find a lovely lass. Textbook.
Fez: 'The half-couple'
It's spent a long time being neglected - just across the road from Vinyl, it wasn't given a chance during the hayday of Kuda/Life. But just like this half-couple, Fez is on it's way up; Saturday night's becoming a thing, and thank God. Sunday was such an annoying night to go out on anyway, so be like Sarah - give the galentines gals in Vinyl a miss.