Cambridge’s leading purveyor of quality entertainment.
It’s a Big Fish event, we all know it’s gunna be busy. And although that great and you’re guaranteed a good night, there are always down sides. One of the major ones it having to wait for all the other punters to get served whilst you get your thirst on. Well we’re here to help!
Picture the scene: You’ve queued up to come in, paid at the till and you’ve sobered up a bit (we’ve all been there). It’s time to hit some Jager bombs just before you make a tit of yourself on the dance floor.
As you turn the corner and head to the bar you see the heart wrenching sight of a 6 deep queue. ‘Fuck’.
Of course, you might think you already have it down. You might reckon you’re good at getting the staff’s attention? Or you may believe a cash tip is the way to go? Let’s be honest, in you’re usual state, you’ve probably got it wrong…
But fear not – because here are some top tips of getting served ahead of the mob:
Full stop. Do all you can to keep them in a happy mood.
They might be paid the minimum wage to serve you drinks – but they can still make choices about who they serve first and who they serve at all.
Don’t be THAT guy!
This is common courtesy. They may look a little abnormal while sweating their heads off behind a cramped bar, but please don’t forget they are still human.
No manners equals no preferential treatment when you come back for more.
If you haven’t decided what drink you want to order by the time you move your way through a three-deep queue, then you’ve failed.
They’ll move on to the decisive people before you can blink.
Don’t act surprised when they ask you to pay for the booze you are about to guzzle while they have to settle for iced tap water.
Get your money out, and stop time wasting.
They know you’re there, even though they may avoid eye contact with all the staring faces who are mentally screaming ‘Can’t you go any faster?!’
Please don’t come back to the bar five minutes later and demand one more drink.
That said, if you are going to do it, be polite. Staff are well within their rights to tell you to queue again for being such a numpty.
It may look like they haven’t got a clue who to serve next but there is usually an invisible system going on.
They also usually have sections on the bar for themselves so make sure you try and talk to the right person.
We know it’s hard, but you’d expect special treatment if you were in their position too…
Jokes? Great. Who do I think is going to win? Yes, that makes me feel like my limited rugby knowledge is valued. Why did the chicken cross the road? Just stop right there.
P.S. They know they look great but they have to work all night and can’t go home with you now…
Technically, the ones behind the bar are the ones who’ve been waiting the longest for a drink. So zip it.
If anyone has the right to complain about how hot it is, how loud it is, how claustrophobic it is because there are about a million people between you and the exit, it’s definitely not you.
If you want to thank your lovely barman or barmaid for their delightful customer service given the strained conditions, pay them in drinks. That means they don’t have to share it out equally at the end of a shift.
And you will be remembered next time!
So there you have it!
Follow those simple instructions and you will never be parched again.